


Orange Coloured Sky

by sapphire_child



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-27
Updated: 2009-07-27
Packaged: 2019-01-22 22:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12491908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire_child/pseuds/sapphire_child
Summary: He doesn’t dream often but when he does he almost always dreams of Gallifrey.Dedicated topacejunkie– just because she’s awesome.





	Orange Coloured Sky

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155122168@N03/36942864080/in/album-72157688618079026/)

He doesn’t dream often but when he does he almost always dreams of Gallifrey. His mind still remembers it to the minutest detail; each blade of red grass, the orange coloured sky filling his gaze and the glittering silver leaves.

Often he dreams that his past companions are all there with him – all of them alive, all of them happy. It sounds sentimental but he’s happy to just watch them sometimes; exploring and enjoying themselves and being the brilliant, brilliant people they are.

Were.

Occasionally he dreams of his family, his mother, father, wife, children. His Susan has a favourite Kaden-Wood tree that she sits beneath – often reading. Even the Master appears sometimes, not as a crazed megalomaniac but as he remembers his oldest friend in their youth.

And then there are the dreams of Romana. They walk mostly, along the curving Gallifreyan streets or across wide fields of crisp, crimson grass. They stare up at the Citadel of the Time Lord Capital or they climb to the highest pinnacle of the city and look out over the mountains.

She usually asks about his travels – about his companions – but he never really answers her and the dreams always fade to a close quite quickly.

And then he loses Rose again, is forced to wipe Donna’s mind and leave her behind. He may have saved the multiverse maybe but he’s got nothing to show for it but an empty TARDIS and an ache in his hearts. Losing both of them so close together weakens him, makes his unconscious mind more open. Vulnerable. The next that he dreams, he finally allows himself to answer her.

They’re in the Citadel, high up and at the window of a lavish room – he thinks it might be one of the Presidential chambers but he’s not looking at the furniture. The view is exhileratingly beautiful – a wash of crimsons and tangerines so different to the blues and browns of his adopted world. He wants to cry for the loss, so sharply poignant is the image before him.

“You seem lonelier.” Romana observes, almost pityingly as they look out upon their home world together. “Don’t you have someone to travel with?”

“No Romana.” he tells her tiredly. “I’ve lost them. Lost them all.”

“How careless of you Doctor.” she says and he almost laughs before he realises that she probably doesn’t even realise she’s made a joke. “How did you lose them?”

He briefly considers how to answer her.

“I did something unspeakable Romana.” he finally blurts and she peers at him in interest. “I fell in love. She was a girl, just a human girl and I…” he shakes his head and laughs bitterly at himself. “I fell in love with her. Desperately, irrevocably in love with her.”

“And then you lost her.” Romana says knowingly, already guessing that she’s right. Her eyes flicker with certainty and a touch of disapproval. “Little wonder you’re lonely Doctor.”

He laughs, quiet and mirthless, and then is still. “I didn’t really lose her.” he admits. “In the end I let her go.”

“Did she want to stay?” Romana asks and the answer hurts before it’s even fully formed.

“Yes.” _What’s worse is that **I** wanted her to stay and didn’t let her._ “She wanted to stay. So did Donna. I lost her too. I lost…I lost both of them.”

Romana inclines her head to him to indicate that she is still listening and surprisingly, he finds that he wants to speak more – of Donna, of Rose. Romana listens patiently until the very end. As the hollow feeling of loss engulfs him until his insides feel like they’ve been scooped out, she puts a surprisingly soft hand on his arm and he lowers his head to her shoulder in utter misery.

Romana stands as stiffly as he remembers but there is a strange sense of comfort in her stilted embrace. Her fingers thread cautiously at the nape of his neck and his sobs subside.

“I can’t do it again.” he admits after he has drawn away, head still bowed. “I don’t think I can ever travel with anyone again.”

“Yes you can.” a familiar voice says and he looks up, shocked. Where Romana was, Donna Noble now stands instead. She is dressed in a ceremonial Gallifreyan robe of deep blood red and her hair is the same colour as the sky. “You can’t travel by yourself forever. You’ll find someone. You _need_ someone.”

“Donna…” he says, bleakly hopeful. But as he reaches for her the dream dissolves around him and – oh that just isn’t fair! He curses his subconscious as he re-emerges fully into a tangible, painful reality.

When Christina asks to come with him he turns her down flatly – something he’s not done in a long time. He even tells her “never again”, even as he remembers chastising Rose once for using the same word. _Never say never ever._

It’s only after he’s regenerated that he takes his own advice. He takes on a new companion before he’s even thought it through and it’s surprisingly easy – easier than he thought it would be. It seems to hurt less in this new body.

Everything hurts a little less – even the memories.

He still doesn’t dream all that often but when he does it is of an orange coloured sky. Beneath the twin suns two women stand together looking outwards – one of them shines a pale gold and the other a fierce orange.

The sight makes him smile.


End file.
